on bouldering and transness

after quitting swimming for nebulous body image related issues there were no signs shut up, it took me a good while, even after starting my social and medical transition, to really pick up any sport. since i started bouldering about a year ago, i’ve gathered some personal thoughts on it as a trans woman. your mileage may vary with the more personal stuff i’ll write down here, but i genuinely do think that it’s a pretty good contender for The Trans Sport Ever ^^

i started out on this sport purely out of curiosity, i think i got invited to join from a queer bouldering group for my first time. the prospect of challenge was enticing, so i stuck to it, started going once a week, adapted it into my routine.

i expected it to stay that way too, as part of a routine i could simply disassociate from. i was already on hrt at the time, and it did help me ground myself in reality as i became more at peace with my body as it shaped itself closer to what i desired. yet i found i still couldn’t shake those draining thoughts of striving for something different (i’d love to get the time i’ve spent in the evening hiding behind video games or reading hrt method discourse on reddit back). i expected that i’d simply have to live with an eternal sense of yearning, or that i’d have to somehow step out of this mindset and learn to be happy with what i’ve got.

what i didn’t expect was that it’d happen through bouldering of all things.

on the wall i started seeing my body not as the sum of all that was missing, but simply as an interface. a body with strengths and weaknesses that made joining in on this game feel like i was just using the tools at my disposal.

my tools, for my shoulders stopped feeling like something debilitating that i needed to hide, and started feeling like just another part of this form i’d need to pay attention to when i was close to the wall.

my limbs simply grasped, strained, scraped past the rugged surface of the holds and volumes. i watched over time as i built muscle, tore my skin, took care of my wounds. i watched them become more and more calloused over time, loving them as they are.

my body adapted to the technique i taught it and cooperated with my head; moving exactly how i wanted it to move without any weight of how i thought others perceived me and how i perceived myself.

an interface sounds like a cold, calculated thing to name something. but it feels both exactly how i described it, and exactly with the amount of love i used to describe it to you just now. there is a profound simpleness to loving one’s body; as someone who’s just gotten the hang of it, it feels like it always had been there, just barely outside my vision. more than before, i am a critter made of love thanks to this.

of course, there’s other benefits to bouldering that don’t just benefit me, but you, the trans faggot reading this. for one, you can rock up to the climbing gym in any fit you want. that’s right: jeans are permitted and normalized in this sports setting. do you always wear baggy clothing for boymoder and/or skater boygirlthing reasons? great! it’s socially accepted to eat shit on a 5b in style and also put no effort into any piece of clothing at all. i’m pretty sure i saw a guy climb in his pj’s once and he crushed it.

it’s also a great way to get out of your shell a bit. bouldering is surprisingly cooperative: there’s a good chance you’ll be working on the same route as someone else, and although you can always learn from looking at what they do, it helps a lot to just ask what their thoughts are on the climb, what the best way might be¹. the cooperative aspect of bouldering is such a treat as someone who, actually, loves human interaction and small talk. it also made me learn that actually, not everyone’s actively transvestigating you at all times, and sometimes they’re just here to climb good and talk about life (shocker).

not to mention, chances are that those people have a different climbing style than you! this kind of goes together with the personal thoughts i’ve given on this sport but i genuinely find it fascinating that a sport can be so inclusive regarding someone’s physical ability². it in turn makes bouldering a surprisingly creative sport, as there’s sometimes no “best” way of climbing a route. in my opinion, the best climbs are the ones where people with a certain set of skills get rewarded by doing it differently. finding a way to use my flexibility in a route to my advantage makes my brain very happy :)

you can probably see why i can’t shut up about it and why i keep recommending it to people now. thanks for reading my propaganda <3

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i don't quite know where to put this but my wife pointed out to me that bouldering is also a very therian activity and i do notice it making more sense to do flagging with a tail instead of a leg and also it makes me happy when i do it so like. there's that too i guess x3

footnotes